they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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