Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
