It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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