I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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