Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
