Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
