You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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