You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
