I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
