Pants 0. Shit 1.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
