No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
