Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
