I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
