I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
