Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
