Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
