dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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