Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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