NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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