so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
