last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
