is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
