Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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