I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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