At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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