what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
