Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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