So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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