I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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