So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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