Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
