My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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