Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I forget how to act sober
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
