When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
