i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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