I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
