Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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