went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
