There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
