Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
