Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
