If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
