I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what day is it and did you see me today?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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