I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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