There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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