You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
