I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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