Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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