She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
