I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
