your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
