I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
