But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
