I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
